Moved: aneffulgence.livejournal.com
Enter at your own peril

 


For having something to say about almost everything, there are a few things which leave me speechless. And out of the few things that leave me speechless, this one surprises me the most because it still renders me... paralysed. Every damn time.

 


I really wish I could make more sense of what I'm doing all the time, the real purpose behind the things I do every day and whether I really care for it. I hate to be motivated by fear which is why I hate life so much right now, but really, I don't have much of a choice. I don't even know anymore what this means for me, and whether it's worth it. I really wish I could be like Winston at the end of 1984, lovingly all this unconditionally, but this is not what I am built for and I am sorry to disappoint. It's enough that I am conforming.

It is maybe a bit too much that I've lost my way.

 


I've had a rather eventful post-birthday week. How exhausting.

I don't really know how I should feel about turning twenty, because I don't really feel anything. And I'm not one for hugeass birthday parties either so it hasn't really sunk in. I guess life just goes on..


I want to live. Not merely exist.
I will do something about that, I think.

 
Hello there I will be booking in soon. Not by choice but by obligation, as it is actually the middle of my block leave. It was a great weekend though, although the more significant part of my weekend did not in fact happen on the weekend. Friday we had dinner at Italiannies, my classmates and I, bread and pasta and risotto. Splendid meal if only a little pricey and having to have paid for water. Then a full intense session at Phuture (I swear I will never stay the whole way again) to top off my Good Friday. Monday I paid a long-due visit to my favourite place for subs -- Quiznos, with Isa. Before heading to school for training with my swim kiddiez, and dinner/ beer with Leon. Tuesday, my last day at swimming nationals. Miss the atmosphere, miss racing, miss coaching, miss counting scores and miss just hanging with my team of awesome. Most importantly I'm really proud of how well my kids swam, and I'm thankful to have had team awesome for one more day.